Dave’s Dystopian Reading List

The world is going to hell.  We all know this.  I could list some of the social, cultural, and political signs of our collective decline, but my readers are smart.  Both of you.  You guys already know.

So, you're saying it starts with an earthquake, birds, snakes, and an aeroplane?

To be honest, the “how” of society’s downward spiral has never really interested me.  Listen, if you want to know how Republicans are ruining everything, read the New York Times.  If you want to know how Democrats are ruining everything, read the Wall Street Journal.  If you want to know things and get a side of topless women, read the The Sun (UK).  If you want to know more about any of the Kardashian sisters, kill yourself – you’re part of the problem.

That said, I’ve always been fascinated by the potential end results of that downward spiral, be it physical destruction or totalitarian control.  Post-apocalyptic and dystopian fiction have always had a prominent place on my bookshelf.  Among my favorites: Continue reading

Keep Basketball in New Jersey!

"Another turning point, a fork stuck in the road..."

With a “Good Riddance” from New Jersey Governor Chris Christie (the derisive kind, not the kind that was everybody’s graduation song circa 1998), the former New Jersey Nyets ended their affiliation with the Garden State and took the Goethals / Verrazano over the Brooklyn.  I hope their experience on the Staten Island Expressway was as rage-inducing as every one I’ve ever had.  Seriously, the SIE is the most misnamed roadway in the country; there is NOTHING “Express” about it.  But I digress.

Sadly, my home state is, once again, bereft of professional basketball.

Or is it? Continue reading

Why the Mets Might Not Suck

[Full Disclosure:  Some of you may be thinking, 'Wait, isn't Dave a Yankee fan?'  I am.  That has not changed.  That said, I am a pro-Mets Yankee fan.  I watch a lot of Mets games every year - their broadcast package is excellent - and generally wish the Metropolitan Baseball Club the best.  Unless they're playing the Yankees.]

"What? Me worry."

You know things are going poorly for a sports franchise when its ownership is being sued for a billion dollars, and its fans desperately want those owners to lose the lawsuit.  Such was the case for the Mets, the Wilpons, and the recently settled lawsuit with the Madoff Trustee.  With a week until Opening Day, there is a dearth of optimism in Flushing.  Jose Reyes is no longer a Met.  Jason Bay still is.  Team doctors diagnosed one of the team’s young stars with an affliction that may or may not even exist.  The team hasn’t posted at least 80 wins since George W. Bush was still President.  As a Yankee fan, I’m able to step back and look at the situation objectively.  Things may not be all sunshine and puppy dogs in Mets-Land, but the situation might not be as dire as Mets fans are inclined to think. Continue reading

4 Reasons I Hate Lists

For reasons I don’t understand, something about the internet drives its authors to crank out list after list after list about… stuff.  Lists feel like the second-most prevalent thing on the internet – after porn and before stupid captioned pictures of animals.  I don’t get the appeal.  In fact, I dislike lists.  Here’s why:

  1. Lists create a false sense of comprehensiveness, especially when the number of items in the list isn’t a multiple of five.  The only rational reason that a rundown of ‘Thirty-Seven Hot Young Volleyball Players’ would exist is that a thirty-eighth could not be found.  This is coming from a guy who never sets an alarm or microwave to any time ending in a five or zero. Continue reading

THIS EXISTS – Book Store Edition

We all know that the world is going to hell, and is in a pathological rush to do so.  Still, I sometimes come across things that make me stop, shake my head, and think, “Holy shit.  This exists?”  Today’s example comes courtesy of the good folks at Barnes & Noble.

There has to be a point where reading makes you dumber... right?

I don’t even know where to start on this. Continue reading

Horrible Ideas: $1 Coins, Not Bills

The nexus of dollar coin evil

There are a number of bad ideas with which America and its component States regularly flirt: Federal involvement in the BCS, treating sugar like booze and tobacco, Esperanto.  We take certain bad ideas, and dive in head-first – “The War on Drugs”, making the NJ State Song a track featuring the lyrics “It’s a death trap / It’s a suicide rap / We gotta get out while we’re young”.  We take some good ideas, and completely ignore or ridicule them – the metric system, widespread implementation of 24-hour time.

Aside – Can anyone give me one good reason that we don’t all operate on 24-hour, military-style time?  Do you know why the military uses 24-hour time?  Because it’s less prone to screw-ups.  Nobody has ever woken up at 1900 hrs, panicked that they were going to be late for work.

As generations of Americans get progressively dumber and dumber, why are we burdening our decaying brains with additional questions as to whether the next episode of whatever nonsense Kardashian TV show gets trotted out starts at mid-morning or late-evening?  How much ink and paper and computer memory is wasted on those two completely unnecessary letters, “AM” or “PM”? Continue reading

Actual Empty Suit Enters Presidential Race

CLEVELAND, OHIO — The 2012 Presidential Race took yet another interesting turn today.  Following Monday’s Republican primary debate and Tuesday night’s ‘State of the Union’ address, an actual empty suit has thrown his hat (a matching fedora) into the ring, and will immediately begin aggressive campaigning.

Tommy Hugo said his final moment of inspiration came during President Obama’s speech last night.

"I believe... whatever you believe!" ~Tommy Hugo

“I watched the Republican debates, and I read the text of the President’s State of the Union – I have a distaste for all of the sitting / standing after every point he makes.  I saw those things and I thought, these guys are all just like me.  A guy like me could be President!” Mr. Hugo said.

Mr. Hugo gave an impassioned speech in front of supporters at the Cleveland JC Penny he calls home, detailing his campaign platforms.

“My positions?  I’m pro-life.  And pro-choice.  Life is pretty awesome, but, you know, so is having choices.  I don’t think you should have to pick between the two. Continue reading